blind to the real society

sometimes we have to stand back and look at the big picture.

As i do that, i start to understand how lost i am. How i ve been living in another dimension, how much i miss looking at the small picture...well... kinda...

When you open your eyes and you realize that the country you have been living in for almost 15 years (or is it more?) , is not the country you thought it was, then reality hits you hard, real hard and you realize your just as snob as your neighbord, you, the one who thought who was humble , are not.

The country i lived in, the city i inhabited , the places i have been are not much different to the place i come from, in regards to housing, technology and cars, however, the real country, the one in the big picture is the opposite...while my teenage sister is busy getting the latest smartphone (BB), others teenagers of her same age are worried about how they are going to raise their children. While i was in university, thousand and thousand of miles away, and was worried about which clothes to wear, the people of my age, the ones in the big pictures, where dealing with money problems, and children, and men..... and me....i lived in a bubble.....

Now i am getting married, and obviously the protocol of my society demands a wedding, with all the decors and the right church...but..... do i really need to spend all that money??? when in the same city i live, in the parts i had never been till the beginning of this week, there are people living under iron roofs and who do not know what they will be eating next.....

A supermarket? no, the ones i have always visited are only for the hundreds of thousand of people of the city, how about the others? where have i lived all this while???? is true, i was here, only km away...however it feels as if i was thougsand of km away.......

I dont want to raise my children oblivious of what their society, its a mistake...cause when they see the big picture, and they are old, they will want to look away....cause it hurts so much, the ignorance i had....

just random thoughts...

they come and go.....and stay

I feel a bit funny, and is cause today i said goodbye to a friend..i ll see her again in march...but when that person is the one who you talk to every second of your day, a few months seem like an eternity!!! thank God technology will make the distance a bit more bearable, still...i ll miss her....

its not perfect...but it might as well be

I havent written in ages...i have been busy...yes...busy living the life i finally got...the one i dreamt about for so long, the one i was supposed to have...and somehow never happened...

And i must say its a nice feeling, to wake up in the morning and be glad to get out of bed, to not remember the last time you shed tears, to have your pillow dry... its fu*in great! i never believed it could happen to me...and it did...

And there are mornings, when a cloud passes through my mind and makes me think, why did i wait so long to make the step? why didnt i left before? maybe my life could have started earlier...and sometimes my mind darkens, my eyes feel moist, but i stand up and face the world, and remember that a mistake, even if i had to make it 1000 times to learn, a mistake makes you stronger and makes you understand where you dont want to go.

And the past doesnt leave you , quiete often comes back, in a nightmare, in a thought....what if...he leaves me out in the cold like the other one did......but then i look beside me and there is this certainity inside my heart, that makes me believe, makes me unafraid of jumping with him...

and as the days go by, im happy.....although the little devil inside my head asks me...once in a blue moon : are you going in the fast lane with a tricycle? can you keep up the race?

and i stop....and smile....whatever will come to myh life can come...i know that for now...the tunnel has ended..

time...situations..CHANGE

two months ago, if you would have asked me where did i see myself in 1 year, i wouldnt have had a clue..i was lost, lonely and didnt seem to know wether i wanted to stay or leave back to europe...but life does really surprise you... fast foward 2 months and ask me that same question and i ll tell you, in one year i ll be on my honeymoon, and probably already back into the lab doing the research i love doing...

i found my dream job, (lab scientist / marketing manager) (since im a bsc in genetics and an MBA in marketing, thats the best job i could ever find), and i ve fallen inlove with a guy who is my male version, i just fit into his life like he fits in mine.. at the beginning i pushed him away, cause i didn t know how to handle all this emotions and all this perfection....but i gave a chance to life.... a chance to live and i ve liked it!

since i was absorbing all this new found happiness i almost forgot my blog...wont happen again...no more tears or grdges....now is all about wedding bells :P 

from far and beyond

What we have is something i will never have, and honestly i dont want to have with anyone, but you...

You know all my ups and downs,

You held me and you pushed me, 

You yelled and you whispered, 

You cried and you smiled, 

You came and you left, 

You are you....

You dont need to be close to make me feel

loved,

cared,

understood,

free,

happy,

peaceful. 

From miles away, you get me.

And i trust you...i always trusted you... i remember the day i realized and you realized it

In a party, with strangers, and u wanted to make me feel jelous flirting with other girls, 

i was ok with it, i didnt mind, and you asked y, and i told you:

You can dance and flirt with every girl, cause at the end of the day, its me who you choose. 

And now, we are friends, and when people say that after love there i not friendship, they dont know what they are talking about. 

Cause me and you are beyond physical love, we have another love, a pure, and understanding love, a selfless one..

I turn to you for everything...and sometimes, after one of our emails or talks.. i think.... you are the person i could never live without... you know me and love me for who i am, you dont expect anything in return and i love you just as much...i would go to the moon if i needed to...and if someday i can see that i bring you half of the peace you bring me...then i ll be happy....

plus and cons

The ying and the yang 

The sun and the moon

WInter and Summer

Sweet and sour

Positive and negative

Good and Bad

North and South

East and West

Bottom and Top

All this opposites...but what about the middles?

How about people like me who like

Spring and Fall

Stars

bittersweet food

Neutral enviroments and responses

Does everything has to be either Black or White?

I like grey, i like the shadows, the in betweens...

i dont enjoy the beginnins nor the ends...i like the essence, i remember the middle parts,

I live for medium temperatures, for hills, nor sea or mountains, just plain ol'hills, 

I dont like the extremes, and i refuse to follow the crowd, 

you r either cool or you are a nerd, 

you r either a hippie or a smug, 

im neither... im me.. and i accept it..and if ppl dont accept it...i couldnt care less..... 

sin comparacion

Te veo, tan bueno, tan tierno, tan puro
Tan diferente, tan estable, tan seguro,
me brindas un mundo al que no pedi nunca entrar,
me envuelves en tus abrazos infinitos y sin malicia,
pero yo...siendo yo....
me escurro, como se escurre la arena en el reloj,
me dejo abrazar, pero no estoy ahi,
te resiento, porque quieres que te quiera...pero no tengo amor para darte...a ti...
tu eres la razon de mi salida, de mi recuperacion, de mi olvido
pero al mismo tiempo, eres su recuerdo, su antitesis, su reflejo, en este mundo paralelo
...y no es su culpa, pero te use.
necesitaba alguien diferente a el, pero eso es lo unico que me ata a ti...que eres su opuesto....

y hay otro...si...con el no pienso en nada mas, con el todo va suave,
por el me rio, con el brillo, el...
es mi esencia...mi contraparte...mi Clyde en esta historia de historietas tan mia,
no hay diferencias, no hay momentos de silencio,
tan solo paz, y una union increible..
Nadie , pero a la vez todos, se imaginaban que esta historia iba a acabar asi,
yo por mi lado, tu por el tuyo, y el agarrado de mi, sin soltarme...

Y quisiera haberme enamorado de ti, pero no me arrepiento haber caido con el....
porque con el, 9 anios de historia se van al basurero, no son nada,
contigo, por mas que quiera no lo logro...no logro quererte como lo necesitas, como lo deseas,
no logro mirarte y dejar de preguntarme que me pasa? no lo logro....es asi ......

tengo mil mariposas en mi estomago...y no son tuyas... son de el...el que con tan solo mirarme, me hace llegar a la gloria,
el, la primera persona en 9 anios, a la que quiero besar en medio de la gente,
el, con quien me siento segura de que aunque no sea para siempre, mientras dure, no faltara una sonrisa en mi cara.....
el... no es lo que buscaba para olvidarme....a el lo encontre para volver a vivir....
y tu....ya sabras....tu mision se ha cumplido.... me haz hecho revivir....pero mi felicidad no es la tuya...y ya basta de jugar al teatro....sigue tu camino, te mereces ser feliz, con alguien...que al verte...tenga mariposas, quiera gritar que eres suyo....y que con tan solo mencionarte...le brillen los ojos....

the ideal couple..The impossible couple, honestly...no couple at all.

It is too late. You wanted me to wait, but is useless to wait for the impossible. I can not save you from where you are, i can not pull you away from that life without me

no te enganies...que me fui

cambia mis labios fieles, por otros que encuentres
quitate mi sudor de tu piel blanca
agarrate bien fuerte al caerte, cuentan por ahi que el suelo es bien duro
borrame de tu existencia,
yo me fui,
a darle mis labios fieles,
mi sudor,
y mis esfuerzos para evitar la caida,
al que a mi lado , ademas de su abrazo, me pone el corazon.
____________________________________________________________

un dia, un mes, unos anios,
vivi para ti, respire por ti,
hoy me levanto y no te pienso,
hoy camino por las calles y no me preocupo verte,
hoy puedo decir que soy yo por primera vez en tanto tiempo,
todo porque
ayer hablamos,
y me di cuenta que...
no me haces falta,
no aportas nada en mi vida, y que fui
del odio a la total indiferencia...
estas bien?me da igual
estas mal?me da lo mismo
hablas con quien? y a mi que me importa?
el vaso se rompio, ex amante mio..el vaso se rompio hace mucho
pero la diferencia es que esta vez...las tiendas ya no tienen coqui.....

cuando menos lo esperas,quien menos esperas,cambia tu dia y te da una nueva perspectiva

El sabado, por cosas de la vida,despues de una fiesta,la unica persona que me podia traer a casa era un ex(no,no la pesadilla),y bueno, eran las 5am,y no habia otro ride asi que me fui con el..casi llegabamos a casa cuando de repente el me pidio perdon..y yo: oh!!! Perdon xq? Ya eso paso! El me explico que se habia dado cuenta lo mucho que me fallo y que queria que yo estuviera clara que el en verdad lo sentia,ke no era ke keria volver conmigo,solo ke lo perdonara... Y me sonrei..pq hace mucho lo perdone, la cosa no fue tan grave y yo no estaba enamorada de el...pero me sonrei..pq me di cuenta de que cuando uno no hace danio en esta vida,las personas se dan cuenta..me sonrei pq me di cuenta que las personas normales si piden perdon,si tratan de enmendar sus errores..me sonrei pq me di cuenta que no todos los hombres son iguales...y entre sonrisa y sonrisa, me di cuenta que mi pesadilla jamas dira esas palabras,jamas se arrepentira de hacerme tanto danio, cuando realmente el es el unico que debe pedirme perdon..pero no me importo..el que vivira con eso es el, yo deje ir todo ya,ya mi vida ha tomado otro rumbo y las puertas que habia dejado abierta..se estan cerrando...

It has taken a lot of time...but I'm getting stronger every day ;)